Dear Lillith,

I am approaching my one year anniversary as a burlesque performer and I find myself conflicted about whether or not I should continue. I could really use your advice.

Burlesque has been an amazing addition to my life. For the first time I feel creative, talented, and funny. The community that I perform in is filled with amazingly beautiful, fun and supportive people. The scene and the opportunities compares to no other in my life.

That said I am also in school working towards my Masters in Social Work. I am in love with the program, the learning, and the profession. It truly speaks to my professional, spiritual and emotional center and I am grateful to be in the program and to have found my calling. I hope to move on to getting a masters in public health and one day run a holistic clinic that meets both the mental and physical needs of under-served populations.

I am realizing, with the not so desired help from my family, that the two worlds are ever more in conflict with one another. As a result I have stopped having my photograph taken and do my best to keep my burlesque identity separate from my professional one.

Can you help out line the honest risks I face if I continue to perform. Some people in my life tell me the risks are possible yet unlikely, and others believe that I am throwing my career down the drain if it “ever gets out.” I hate that burlesque has to be this dark secret, and I respect your ability to be honest and open about it.

Thank you for your advice.

All the best to you,

Miss Twin Peaks

Dear Miss Peaks

Wow, I’m not sure your letter could have hit any closer to home for me! Having gone through a similar struggle, I was really moved by your story. The fact that you are even thinking about these things is really important – it tells me that you are using professional judgment and being very thoughtful about how you approach your career, and that speaks volumes about how you will function as a clinician.

I think your first task is to try to figure out whether burlesque is a hobby or an identity for you. If it is a hobby, it may be time to find other ways to tap into that creative outlet. Open mic nights, community theater, or dance classes might be enough to fit your needs. If you decide that burlesque is something that speaks to you on a deeper level, it might not be something you can live without. If that’s the case, you need to begin the work of finding a way to blend your two passions.

You mentioned a number of things that burlesque brings to your world, and you clearly have a strong attachment to and love for your work and future career plans. My quick answer to your question is this: the two are NOT mutually exclusive. You can have both, if you want them.

My first piece of advice to you (and it’s what I tell my students and clients as well) is to make your self yourwork. We are happiest and most fulfilled when we are able to do work that speaks to our deeper sense of self. The things that you mentioned that you love about your work:“It truly speaks to my professional, spiritual and emotional center….” align beautifully with what you have discovered in burlesque:“I feel creative, talented, and funny. The community … is filled with amazingly beautiful, fun and supportive people.” Your job as a social worker is to help people find exactly the things you have found! How lucky for your future clients to have an advocate and ally who is so open-minded and open-hearted as to find the joy and beauty you have discovered! Do not be afraid of what you have found – it is a gift not only for yourself, but also for every life you touch.

To put it more succinctly – your profession needs you just the way you are.

So let’s think about this situation in terms of integration. You have two “worlds,” and for you to live happily ever after they need to be integrated. This does not mean that your worlds have to blend externally (not suggesting you wear pasties to work), but for your internal sense of self to be intact, you’ll need to find a way to blend both identities. It becomes easier and more natural over time, but the process of integrating these two parts of your life will be an ongoing process for a long time.

So let’s talk about risk. Unless someone is intimately familiar with your field, they are not qualified to advise you on the realistic risks to your professional life. While your family might have your best interests at heart, they are probably also influenced by “worst case” thinking and a desire to protect you from any chance of harm. Considering worst-case scenarios might be a good idea to a small degree, but it’s more important to pay attention to things that might actually happen.

Here’s an activity to help you assess realistic risk. Make a four column chart on a piece of paper and write down everything you’re afraid might happen. I’m going to guess that somewhere on your list you’ll have written down fears about ethics violations, license boards, intolerant bosses, unwanted media coverage, or angry clients. These and any others you might think of are all very valid concerns and they deserve your attention. You may also have some silly or exaggerated fears – those are okay too. Put them down as well; you can abandon them later.

Once you’ve written out your list, go back and assign each item a number from one to ten indicating what you think the likelihood of that happening is. If you are unsure, investigate. You can look up ethics boards complaints records and see how many were addressed and why. You can contact other sex-positive professionals (there are lots of us!) and ask them about their experiences. Find a professor or faculty member who you trust to be accepting and non-judgmental and create space for an ongoing dialogue with them. If you aren’t comfortable coming out to them as a burlygirl, tap into your network and find a like-minded mentor from a different school (this is something I can help you with if you need it).

Once you’ve made the list, it’s time to go back and re-evaluate each item. You’ll have to decide what you are and are not willing to sacrifice to lower that number to a point that feels acceptable to you. Brainstorm ways of reducing that number, then assign a new number based on your potential interventions.

Now, your list may or may not look anything like this one – that’s okay, it’s just an example. You are going to have to develop your own list based on your unique situation.  Your list may also change based on your context. As a student, you may have less control over your environment than you might once you graduate. Make sure your list fits you in the here and now; you can make a new one later if you need to.

Setting boundaries is a crucial part of risk reduction. It is important that you have carefully considered possible boundary violations and decided in advance how you will deal with them. Remember, a good professional isn’t one who never has an ethical dilemma; in fact, very little of your work will be black and white. A good professional is one who can carefully and responsibly find ways to manage the grey areas.

One of my personal boundaries is that I don’t perform in the city I teach in. It’s a sacrifice, since there are some great shows here, but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make because I can get to Dallas fairly easily and there’s a lot to do there. Although it hasn’t happened yet, I know that at some point one of my students will likely recognize me and say something. Because I have already decided that I want to keep a fairly strict boundary between my work and my personal life, I will probably gently inform them that I don’t talk about my personal life at work and ask them to respect that. If it’s a counseling client, it would be important to process the impact of their discovery on the therapeutic relationship, but that doesn’t mean you have to disclose anything. There’s nothing wrong with processing the client’s feelings and beliefs– your job is not to shield them from anything, it’s to help them walk through whatever their current experience is.

Your boundaries are not only important to protect the best interests of your clients, they also  protect you. You have to decide how far you are willing to bend your sense of self to keep a job. For example, I have come to the realization that I am simply not willing to work in a setting with intolerant policies. I will not work anywhere that requires me to sign a so-called “morality clause” or that cites conservative principles in their administration procedures. This is a two part decision for me – one, I just don’t want to be in an environment where I feel scared to be me, but I also firmly believe in body- and sex-positivity, celebration of creative and free expression, and acceptance of diversity. I am dedicated to creating meaningful work for myself and others, and I don’t want my effort and energy to contribute to intolerance. There are lots of other areas that you may discover are “make or break” for you – pay attention to these and honor them for yourself.

On another note, I want to point out that burlesque is not an all-or-nothing deal. If you’ll think of it on a continuum rather than a dichotomy, you’ll probably have better luck working out where you fit. There are so many ways to be involved in burlesque, and not all of them require you to take your clothes off. If you find that you don’t want to strip, learn a new talent like magic, juggling, tap dancing, or telling bawdy jokes. Stay involved by being a stage kitten, a production assistant, or a crafter. If you do want to show boobies it doesn’t mean you have to be front and center all the time. You may decide that local shows every once in a while are enough to keep you happy. Or, you may feel strongly that you want to be totally invested and pursue festivals or titles or out-of-town gigs, which is okay too. What matters most is that you’re deliberate about your decisions.

I teach undergraduate and graduate coursework in psychology, social work, and women’s studies. This requires me to walk a careful line between my worlds, but they no longer feel in conflict the way they once did. Even though I am not always out about being a performer, I always bring my beliefs about sex positivity, empowerment, and self-love to the classroom. Last year I had the opportunity to teach a workshop about burlesque and body shame to a graduate-level Expressive Arts Therapy class. The students and professor were delighted with the workshop and we spent several hours coming up with ways we could use the principles of burlesque with clients. No, we’re not teaching clients to twirl tassels, but we are modeling radical body acceptance, generous spirit, creativity without judgment, body movement for well-being, and social support and love. We also decided that a little glitter and glue can make a blue day much better, no matter who you are!

I remember when I first started working on integration, I felt like it was too big to handle. I felt like there was this looming disaster right around the corner, and every exciting new opportunity that arose for me also came with a deeper sense of fear. I worked (and continue to work) closely with a therapist who understands my goals and has helped me process each new experience as it comes up. And that’s my final thought for you – don’t tackle this as one giant problem. Take each day at a time, make the best decision you can in each moment, and trust that you will also be able to make the best decisions you can in future moments.

Value your gifts. Your clients are lucky to have you.

Warmly,

So the other day I went by VerLes (if you haven’t been there, you absolutely MUST go) to see what they had going on. I try to stop by at least every couple of weeks because they are always getting new stuff in. And, sure enough, I stumbled across my new best friend!!

it must be fate!

I’m pretty picky about vibrators, for sure. I don’t like high frequency vibration; it pretty much does nothing but numb and annoy me. Lower frequency (think jackhammer) is much more efficient, but any low frequency vibe that can handle me usually requires sixteen D batteries, or it has a cord, which is highly inconvenient, especially when I’m playing with rope!

seriously, how could you get a vibe with a cord in there!?

Since I can’t afford to buy a forty-pack of batteries every week, and since I hate being constrained by the length of a cord (don’t these manufacturers know we like to roll around?!?!?), I was deeeeeelighted to stumble across the new VibeRite at VerLes. This baby is POWERFUL, and (drumroll please) it’s rechargable! No batteries, no cord! Hell yeah!

I think it's true love....

The real test for me, though was to see how long it took to charge. I’m not always on top of things (bahahah I crack myself up) so I’m totally the kind of person who would forget to plug it in. Turns out it charges up pretty quick! I plugged it in, took a bubble bath with a glass of wine, and by the time I was done -bam – instant date night!

spice it up with attachments!

So get your ass down to VerLes and grab one of these before they run out (maybe a great easter present for your sugar!). I swear you will NOT regret it. It’s cheaper than a hitachi, you can get awesome attachments if you like variety, and -my fav- it’s a lovely burgundy color! No more ugly white that gets all raggedy looking. This is one sexy vibe!

Don't make your hunny bunny cry! Get your ass to VerLes!

Dear Lillith:

A close friend and I perform together at a lot of small burlesque and variety shows. We started burlesque together and have worked together ever since, but lately we are butting heads. I really love performing with her but I am worried that our friendship is suffering because we work together. What can I do to make sure both our friendship and performances are strong?

-          Torn in Texas

Dear Torn in Texas:

The blending of personal and professional roles can be really difficult, but it seems like you are committed to working it out, which is a great start. This issue impacts a lot of performers and producers – since we are such a small community, we end up blurring the lines between friendship and business, which can lead to ruffled feathers, minor tiffs, or even major conflicts.

Since you two started your performance careers together, then it makes perfect sense that you’d be butting heads now. Burlesque is an art form crafted by time – when you first started performing; you probably approached your acts differently than you do now. As you’ve become more experienced, you have likely developed your own style and your own way of doing things, both on and off stage. You’ve probably also realized how much work is involved, and you may be developing a better sense of how dedicated you want to be. This kind of growth and development is a really important part of each performer’s journey. Allowing each other the space to develop independently, even if it means in different directions, is a marker of a strong friendship.

Think about these as two distinct relationships: a personal relationship and a professional relationship. They certainly blur together at times, and that’s part of what makes it fun, but don’t forget that they are unique roles that should be nurtured equally. If you come to a point where you are unable or unwilling to continue attending to those roles, it may be time to consider letting go of one or both of them. Since it seems clear to me from your question that you are hoping to maintain that strong friendship and continue perform together as well, here are some pointers to help you along the way…

Know yourself

One of the most important things that you bring to the table as a friend and as a performer is your own level of insight. The more you understand yourself, the better able you are to communicate your own style and find ways to support each other. If you know that you tend to procrastinate, you can ask her for support and friendly reminders. If you prefer having written choreography rather than memorized, you can say that up front and avoid annoyances down the road. Do you prefer to start rehearsals immediately, or do you like to chat a bit before beginning? Simply knowing how you work best and letting the other person know, leaves a lot of space for compromise and mutual understanding.

Small conflicts are usually indicators of underlying frustration or anger. If seemingly trivial things feel more important than they should, you may need to do some deeper reflection on how things are going. For example, if you are frustrated that she tends to be a few minutes late to rehearsals, a deeper reason might be that you are feeling like she doesn’t care about your work together. If she thinks you are too controlling about the choreography, it may be because she feels like her voice isn’t heard in the creative process. Similarly, things can carry over from other parts of your relationship. If there is something going on in the friendship, that will show up in your work together, just like these work conflicts are showing up in your friendship. Having well-developed personal insight can help create a safe space for open and honest dialogue.

Negotiate

Now that you’ve had experience as a performer, it’s probably time to renegotiate how you work together. Talk to each about what works and what doesn’t for you. How much time do you need to prepare for a show? How many rehearsals do you need? How frequently do you want to perform? Are you allowed to perform solo? With others? Do you consider this a hobby or a career? How do you want to brand yourself to your audience? Which shows will you be in? How much do you need to be paid? The list goes on and on…. Different performers have different preferences, but the problem comes when we don’t explicitly talk about these questions because we end up making assumptions about the other person’s wants and needs. Remember, if you’re going to work together, you’ll have to compromise, but it’s impossible to compromise if you don’t know what each person needs.

Having some level of personal insight will also allow you to negotiate your working relationship based on what your own needs and interests are. Talk about how you’re going to work together – if you are going to integrate social time with work time, decide how you will know when it’s time to work and when it’s time to play. I occasionally perform with a gal who has a “working notebook.” When the notebook’s out, it’s a signal that we’re talking business and we’re getting stuff done (usually while drinking wine and gabbing about whatever books we’re reading and our latest thrift store discoveries). When the notebook goes away, so does the business. It’s a nice way of integrating both while still being clear about boundaries and roles.

Communicate Effectively

Effective communication happens in person. Most of the time email and text do nothing to reduce tension or clear up misunderstandings. Instead, they perpetuate misunderstanding and create unnecessary conflict. A healthy dialogue allows space for complexity, clarification, non-verbal cues, emotional expression, and nuance, and it has a sense of give and take in the moment. Email and text offer none of those things. Emoticons don’t count as sharing your feelings.

Also, keep your drama offline. Keep. Your.Drama.Offline. Facebook and Twitter lull us into believing that we are just venting to our friends when we post overly emotional or derogatory messages online. We also tend to not recognize when we are creating or perpetuating drama because it feels so personal and so relevant at the moment we post it. The truth is that it comes across as inappropriate and disrespectful. It’s not only unprofessional; it’s also hurtful to your friendship. At tempting as it is, when in conflict you must avoid technological communication!

Another major pitfall in communication is passive aggression. This is a big one that a lot of women in our culture struggle with. Think about how kids are socialized, generally speaking: boys tend to settle their differences physically or verbally, and are encouraged to be assertive and stand up for themselves. Girls, on the other hand, are typically expected to be nice and gentle, so the necessary assertion of boundaries and needs has to occur in passive ways.

When you write a post on Facebook about “someone” doing something to you, when you make snarky comments about something rather than just confronting it head on, or when you tell lots of other people about a private conflict, you are acting out your aggression in a passive manner. This is particularly hard to deal with when you’re on the receiving end of it because it leaves you feeling unable to protect yourself – you know you’ve been attacked, but the manner in which it was done makes it hard to defend yourself. Dismantling passive aggression takes special attention, since many of us have had it ingrained in us since birth. Learning to communicate assertively and directly (albeit gently and kindly!) will smooth things out considerably.

It’s not show friends, it’s show business

I think one of the most difficult things about this art form is the financial side – this is an expensive lifestyle, with very little tangible reward. Whether you’re performing or producing (or both!), you have undoubtedly invested money – perhaps even a lot of money – into your work. Money is so important in our lives – when we talk about money we’re also talking about our personal sense of security, which can be a scary thing to feel unsure about. Many of us get very protective over that part of our lives, and understandably so.

If your friend is producing a show or bearing any sort of financial responsibility for more than just herself, it’s important that you realize how intense that is. At face value, it may seem simple – just rent a venue, hire performers, and sell tickets, right!? WRONG! Not only is event production much more expensive and complex than it seems, there’s also a great deal of emotional cost as well. When a producer signs a contract accepting financial and legal responsibility for a show; that’s a lot of weight. Depending on how big that weight is, she might have to make some decisions that you don’t agree with. It is important for you to recognize that when her money is on the line, her role has to be a professional first.

Even if she’s not a producer, she’s still investing money, time, and energy – and these are valuable resources!  You may have different ideas about how much of those things you are willing and able to invest in your work. You may have different plans about where you hope your path will take you. All of these “big picture” issues end up being manifested in small things, like how much time someone can spend rehearsing or how far they are willing to drive. If you can have a dialogue with her about where you see yourselves going and how you each intend to get there, you’ll have a better understanding about the physical, financial, and emotional cost of performance.

Moving forward

Power struggles are tough, but the good thing is that it means you both have strengths and are willing to be assertive about them. Many times when you end up in a power struggle, you miss the fact that the other person may have ideas that compensate for your weak points.  If you put down your boxing gloves for a minute, you can turn the situation into something that benefits of both you. For instance, if you butt heads about the creative direction an act will take, you might take turns being the “artistic director” for your acts. If you have conflicts about how the business side is being handled, talk about it and decide who will handle what aspects of the management. Maybe when one of you is creative director, the other can take on the business side (i.e. handling communication with producers, taking care of music prep, handling payment, etc.).

If it turns out that you are on two different paths, or if you continue to have conflict that cannot be resolved, then you may need to mutually renegotiate your working relationship in order to save your friendship. That does not mean you have to stop working together, but it might mean that things have to change. As you consider making a big change like that, remember that the development, growth, redefinition, and sometimes even the ending of a relationship can be a very healthy and empowering process for everyone involved. When you find that you are able to speak your truth and hear your friend’s truth without judgment, you’ll be able to navigate the waters of the personal and the professional with ease.

Warmly,

Me, Marlee, and Synn

Last Saturday I had the wonderful opportunity to go to the annual Black Tie Dinner here in Dallas – it’s a fundraiser for the Human Rights Commission, and it’s very fancy and amazing and I would never have been able to afford to go if not for the generosity of my friend Chris Stinnett, who invited Synn and I to accompany him, Jeffrey Payne, David Roy, Dan Perry, and a few other handsome gentlemen to the gala. Also with us, and balancing out my sequins on the other side of the table with her own gorgeous glam, was local goddess and Reigning Empress of the United Court of the Lone Star Empire, Miss Lips Larue. Everyone looked sooo amazing, especially Synn, whose dashing ensemble was carefully coordinated with my dress (so handsome!).

So just getting to go was exciting enough (especially since I finally got to wear my vintage ivory sequin gown) but it turned out that the keynote speaker for the event was Marlee Matlin, who has been a long-time source of inspiration for me and many of my friends and students. The short version of why is this: When I was a kid I loved the movie Children of a Lesser God and vowed to learn sign language. I took ASL in high school and was in a short version of the play Children of a Lesser God.  After high school I became an interpreter, then a Deaf Ed teacher, then had the chance to be a sign coach for the play when it was produced at the high school I was working at (Hunter Parrish was in the play, too – ya, I knew him way back when!). After I left teaching , in part because of my struggle with the impact of AbOnly education on my students, I became an interpreter trainer, and I now teach a variety of courses related to Deafness at the university level. One of these days (if I ever frakin graduate)  I will be able to provide psychological assessment and therapy services clients who use ASL as their primary language.

Marlee’s role in Children of a Lesser God was groundbreaking in terms of public understanding of the nature of Deaf Education and of Deafness as a culture. She was also the first Deaf woman to win an Oscar (she later won a Golden Globe too), and has been involved in a ton of  other movies and shows. When I was teaching high school, all of my students knew who she was – we talked about her, they did research projects on her, and we even had a picture of her on the wall in our classroom. There are so few visible role models for young kids who are Deaf, so Marlee really was something special to all of us.

We had a giant painted mural on our wall of our classroom that said “Deaf People Can Do Anything….(but hear!).”  When they graduated, each kid got to sign their name on the mural. Marlee actually said that phrase in her speech at Black Tie Saturday, which is about when I started crying because the images of all those kids’ signatures on the mural came rolling back to me.

Anyway, not to get ahead of myself…..so when I discovered that she was going to be speaking at the dinner that I was already falling over myself in excitement about, I realized that CLEARLY this was fate’s way of telling me it was time for us to meet. So I started the twitter hashtag #campaigntomeetmarlee and begged all my friends to help me flood her feed with reasons why we should meet. I have no idea how many tweets we generated, but there were a TON of people who tweeted for me!! Here are just a few of them:

@themysts Hey @MarleeMatlin you should meet my friend @LillithGrey because she is wicked brilliant and beautiful! #campaigntomeetmarlee

@DalLeatherSir Hey @MarleeMatlin you should meet my friend @LillithGrey because she is an incredibly talented woman!! #campaigntomeetmarlee

@DallasKink Hey @MarleeMatlin you should meet my friend @LillithGrey because she rocks. Large. Stadium-like. Don’t be scared. #campaigntomeetmarlee

@Aaronskyy1983 @MarleeMatlin I think you should meet my friend @LillithGrey because she is brilliant and helps educate others #campaigntomeetmarlee

@CrystalDToys Hey @MarleeMatlin you should meet my friend @LillithGrey because she can and will change the world! #campaigntomeetmarlee

There were tons more, and some people got pretty creative!! It was awesome!

So I started about ten days before the dinner, tweeting little things every once in a while. I didn’t want to be a crazy stalker so I didn’t tweet a whole lot at first, but then I realized that with all the tweets she gets a day, I needed to be a little more assertive! Once people got on board, it was awesome! TONS of tweets!

So after allll this tweeting day after day, I still hadn’t heard from Marlee. I was undeterred, feeling SURE I’d wrangle some face time (she’d at least recognize my name after all that tweeting)! Unfortunately, I didn’t take into consideration that there were 3000 people at this dinner!! When I saw the mass of people there I realized that there was no way I would be able to find her, much less be noticed (although I was pretty sparkly!).

There are photos and additional links at the bottom.

—-

Family and Friends,

I’m sure most of you have heard about or seen what’s going on at Occupy Oakland. I understand that some of you do not agree with the methods or messages of the protest, but I’d like you to know what I’ve experienced.

When the protest started, I went down to the plaza to check out the encampment and donate supplies. The camp consisted of individual tents, a large medic tent, an information booth, schedule of meetings and activities, town map, port-a-potties, trash and recycling collection, food service and dish washing center, and children’s area. Large “no smoking” signs were posted around the children’s area, where kids had coloring books, sidewalk chalk, games, and toys. People were happy and self-sufficient. The camp had meetings every evening to address concerns from the occupiers and from the city government. Issues ranging from sanitation to diversity in leadership were raised and addressed. The camp was functioning well, with even a blessing from the mayor.

At around 4:30am on Tuesday 10/25, 400 officers from 16 regional law enforcement agencies raided the sleeping camp. The citizens were told to disperse or be subjected to chemical weapons. People were confused and terrified. Most of those with children or disabilities were able to escape before the attack. When it was clear that many people were not giving up all that they had worked for, the officers fired tear gas, rubber bullets and flash bang grenades into the crowd. People scrambled, chaos ensued. US Marine and Iraq War Veteran Scott Olsen was hit directly in the head with a tear gas canister. When he fell to the ground unconscious, medics rushed to his aid. As they gathered around him, an officer fired a flash bang grenade into the center of the medical team in order to disperse them (video below). Scott Olsen is in critical condition with a fractured skull and is currently in a medically induced coma. Others were hit with rubber bullets, causing their flesh to split open and/or massive bruising. Around 100 people were arrested and taken to 2 jails.

I was not present for the violence that happened that morning, but I went to the jail as soon as I could. As I was driving past the camp, I saw the ruins and burst into tears. Everything was smashed, food on the ground, the once tidy and organized camp now just trashed. I saw the yellow children’s tent, now torn to shreds by police using box cutters (photo attached).

Johnny and I brought coffee and food for prisoners as they were being released. The National Lawyers Guild was on hand to collect reports from released prisoners and offer free legal support. Most people didn’t get out of jail until after 11pm Tuesday night. They told stories of physical abuse and intimidation. One woman in a wheelchair was tear gassed and a man was hit in the face with his own cane. Others came out of jail with no shoes and torn clothes. A medic reported being tear gassed 9 times, her eyes red and face swollen. When people were arrested, the officers at the jail took their wallets, phones, keys, and any other personal property. When released, some people were told the jail had lost all their belongings. They wanted to go back to the camp and get their other things, but we had to tell them it was all gone. The Department of Public Works confiscated and/or destroyed everything.

Please watch this video for an excellent overview of what happened on Tuesday. Fair warning: it’s beautiful, inspirational, terrifying and may be triggering for some.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twN31TVuB_E&feature=colike

The mayor and chief of police gave a press conference last night and claimed that the Oakland Police Department did not use excessive force, including rubber bullets or flash bang grenades. When reporters asked if they had seen the multitude of video and photo evidence of both being used against the people, the mayor and chief of police said they had not. When pressed further, the chief of police said that while OPD had not used those things, he wasn’t sure what sort of force was used by any of the other 15 law enforcement agencies.

Last night I attended the rally to protest the police violence and pass out home made gas masks. Thousands of people gathered peacefully, some dancing, some singing, some holding signs with slogans like “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere” and “Police: Protect my right to peaceful assembly”. Fences had been put up around the park were the camp once stood. Using the People’s Mic, the group decided to carefully and peacefully remove the fences and reclaim the park. The fences were taken down and stacked neatly out of the way. A General Assembly was called in the park and a proposal was made for a general strike. Small groups broke out to discuss the proposal. The comments and concerns were voiced and a vote was taken. An overwhelming majority (1484 for, 46 against) voted for a general strike to take place on Wednesday, November 2nd.

After the vote, music started up and people danced and celebrated the retaking of the park. The group then gathered to march to the jail, where almost 100 had been imprisoned the last 15-30 hours. The group peacefully and cautiously took to the street, dancing, laughing, and smiling. People congratulated each other and moved forward. No damage to private or public property could be seen. However there were a few agent provocateurs amongst us. I saw a man start a fire in a trash can. I called out “Fire!” as I extinguished the fire with the contents of my water bottle in the trash can. The arsonist glared at me and said “F**king liberals!”. I yelled back “That’s how we get tear gassed!”. Then I stepped back, pointed at him, and yelled “He’s starting fires! This man is trying to start fires!”. The crowd swelled around him, chastising him accordingly. I tried to keep an eye on him for the rest of the march. We returned to the plaza and more dancing broke out. As far as I know, no vandalism, no arrests. This is what happens *without* police intervention.

Oakland officials have admitted that the raids cost the city more than $1 million, while just yesterday voting to close 5 elementary schools due to budget difficulties. After calls for her resignation, the mayor released a statement late last night reversing her position. She called for “a minimum police presence”. Nonviolent protesters are now allowed to re-occupy the area near City Hall.

Regardless of your political leanings, I hope you are outraged at use of deadly force on peaceful, unarmed protestors exercising their constitutional right to assemble. Please consider getting involved with your local movement. Whether it’s participating in the General Strike on November 2nd, a donation, time as a volunteer or police observer, attendance at rallies, or just forwarding this email- anything helps.

With Love,
Patricia

Takeaway point from the ACLU:
“What happened in Oakland impacts all of us. When police respond to peaceful protest and civil disobedience with excessive force, the result is to make people afraid to exercise their free speech rights. The Constitution was intended to protect us from exactly that.”

More info:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZLyUK0t0vQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpO-lJr2BQY

How to help the injured vet, Scott Olsen: http://goo.gl/oNBy1

http://www.occupyoakland.org/

http://www.insidebayarea.com/top-stories/ci_19194741

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occupy_Oakland

http://www.indybay.org/newsitems/2011/10/26/18695442.php#18695445

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/10/27/1030595/-Occupy-Oakland,-HUGE-Reversal-of-Mayors-Policy-%7BScots-Condition-UPGRADE-to-Fair%7D?via=siderec

http://www.amnestyusa.org/news/press-releases/amnesty-international-urges-restraint-as-police-clamp-down-on-occupy-wall-street-protests

Rubber Bullet

Here’s the problem as I see it: A few years ago we had a major financial crisis that almost destroyed our country. If GM and the other affected companies had failed, it would have decimated the lower and middle class of our country, which makes up between 90 and 99% of America. That vast majority of us ended up paying for a bailout in order to save our country. There is an enormous amount of evidence that shows that leaders of the very major corporations that own most of the companies in America engaged in serious fraud that led to the crash that we paid for. Not a single one has been investigated, indicted, or otherwise held responsible for their actions.

What this brings to light is the fact that because corporations are considered individual entities under the law (as dictated by the 14th amendment, which was established to address slavery) the people who run them don’t have to be held responsible for their actions. Thus, they have a shield behind which to do these unethical things which trickle down and systemically destroy the lives of the poor and working class.

At the same time, laws about our political system allow these “people” (corporations) to contribute vast amounts of money to politicians. The corporate lobby (think big oil, big insurance, big pharmaceuticals, big banking, etc) is able to wield such enormous influence politically that this system of protection is perpetuated. There is no real way to hold these people accountable for their fraud and the impact it had on us, and the impact it will have again if no legislative change is made.

Meanwhile we have a political system that eats alive the individuals who would run on any real platform of change, because these corporations give so much money to their pet candidates. The debates, the commercials, the congressional clashes that happen on a daily basis, the arguments that are based on partisanship and not on real data or any collective consciousness – that is all our political system is made up of, in all political parties. The electoral college prevents us from having a “voting revolution”, so the only way that we can tell the government that we will not stand for this blatant abuse is by gathering the 99% of us that bear the brunt of the abuse and saying we will not be quiet until you make change.

It is a complex system of privilege and protection of the wealthy that will only be overthrown, not voted or reasoned out. There are many more facets to the story, and the issues are much more complex and difficult to tease out than I can accurately address in a short blog post. However, this is my “nutshell” version and my own personal reasons for being a part of the movement.

Please check out these websites:

We Are the 99%
Occupy Wall Street

Meet and greet   9:00-11:00      Dallas Eagle
Judges meeting  9:00      Dallas Eagle
Contestant meeting         9:30                 Dallas Eagle
Travel fund auctions       9:00-11:00      Dallas Eagle
Intro and number draw   10:30               Dallas Eagle

Saturday August 27

Interviews                       9:00-12:00      TBA
Bingo                                1:00-3:00        Dallas Eagle
Contestant call             4:00                 Rose Room
VIP party                        6:30-8:00         TMC
Contest                            8:00-10:00      Rose Room
Victory party                10:00-???                Dallas Eagle

 Sunday August 28

Victory Brunch               12:00 noon      Dallas Eagle
Wind down party            3:00 PM         Dallas Eagle

Judges

Master Lady Faye                                head judge      IMsL 2006
Sir Jeffrey Payne                          judge               IML 2009
Lamalani Siverts                     judge               IMsL 2009
Hobbit                                     judge               IMsL 2008
Master Ces                              judge               Founder of WILI
Kristen bootblack                    judge               Gulf Coast Community BootBlack 2010
Solitare                                      judge               Ms Southeast Leather Fetish 2006
Master Jimmie Tucker             alternate Judge            South Central Leatherwoman 2006

Fat-hate is everywhere, and it’s often couched in terms of pseudo-benevolence. Many people who overtly engage in anti-fat talk claim that this mask of benevolence justifies their discrimination and hateful commentary. There are lots of examples and increasing amounts of dialogue happening about this topic, but since that’s not the point of this post I’m not going to talk about it at length. For a brief overview about Fatism check out Bradley University’s The Body Project. If you have more references or information about this topic, please share them in the comments below!

The following quote is (hopefully) of no surprise to anyone:

“Research has documented that women are most often the victims of size discrimination. Perhaps this is because men have traditionally garnered credibility through the power and wealth they accumulate, and women have garnered credibility through how closely they conform to society’s ideals of beauty.” (read the full article)

Any woman who lives in mainstream American culture understands the impact of body image on self-esteem, social acceptance, and general well-being. We are no strangers to self-hate. We are constantly engaged in an unwinnable battle between authenticity and expectation – a deeply powerful love/hate relationship.

One of the reasons I love burlesque so much is that its job is to poke fun, to turn social expectation on its head and exaggerate and illuminate the ludicrous – and truly, the manner in which we fight against our bodies is so deeply ludicrous we could make fun of ourselves all day long!! So much incredible work is being done by burlesque dancers of all sizes and body shapes, and audiences and fans around the world are responding in overwhelmingly positive ways.

But honestly, it’s hard to get up there and reveal ourselves, no matter what kind of body we have. We do it, and we love it and feel liberated by it, but that doesn’t make it easy. We all have times where we feel too fat or too skinny, like our boobs are too big or too small or uneven or wrong, and sometimes we just feel dammed unpretty. I truly, truly love burlesquers of all genders and body shapes because I think the ability to manage these feelings and still find authentic power speaks volumes about the person’s character.

The truth is, I worry about my body before every show. I worry about cameras and what kinds of pictures are going to be posted on facebook. I worry about how I sit, how I stand, and how I jiggle. And even though my head knows that I’d rather be real than perfect any day, my heart still fears the social backlash. I do a lot of self-affirmation on show days, that’s for sure!

But you know, I realized something yesterday, in the midst of the twitter-angst. I realized that even the so-called fat-positive dialogue focuses more on why fatism is harmful than it does on any real body positivity. I think it stands to reason that until our everyday dialogue actively celebrates women’s bodies, we won’t start feeling better! So fiiiinally I’m getting to the heart of why I started writing this post….

I Love Fat Burlesque Dancers
(I love the skinnies too, but this is a special shout out to my sisters of size)

I went to the Dita von Teese show a few weeks ago, which was truly spectacular. Her costuming was breathtaking and her acts were beautiful.  I felt awed by her, mesmerized, and quite often felt like I was looking at living art. When Dirty Martini came on stage, though, I was totally blown away.  I laughed with her, was amazed by her, and felt…. well, I felt sexy! I felt connected on  a real level. Watching her, I felt like I got a glimpse of her as a real person… which is really the art of the tease at its best.

The reality is, I am not turned on by this barbie-doll image of women’s bodies that we’ve been sold on for so long, and neither are most of the people I know. I think that marketers have done a great job of keeping us dissatisfied so that we have to keep buying. But curvy burlesque dancers are like my church – they keep reminding me that I don’t want to keep buying the commercial myth of beauty. I wanna keep buying THEM!

Even though a real woman’s body presented with power and confidence is at the top of my sexy-qualities list, I also just really love the bump-and-grind! I love the ways that curvy women can move – it evokes a sense of fluidity and fullness that cannot be conveyed by costumes or sets. When I see a thick, sexy woman owning the power of her body, I feel powerful too. And the boobies…. ohhh the boobies. I have a deep, desperate desire to mash my face in them. I love the way big breasts make that tiny little shimmy with every step – little boobies have to be deliberately shaken, but big tits are constantly beckoning… constantly… mesmerizing…

So here’s my giant thank-you to all the burlesque dancers who jiggle, who flop, who shimmy and shake, who have cellulite and big assess and big tits and big hearts. YOU are one of the reasons this art feels so real and right to me and I am always awed and inspired by you. Please don’t stop the music!

Check out this fantastic video about Fat Burlesque.

Becoming An Interpreter

Like a lot of kids, I learned the sign language alphabet when I was young. I can still remember what it felt like to use a secret language to communicate with my friends, although our conversations mostly consisted of single words like “h-i” and “b-o-r-e-d”. Later, when my high school became one of the first schools in Texas to adopt American Sign Language (ASL) as a foreign language, I was really excited. I had already tried French and Spanish, neither of which really captured my attention, but when I finally convinced my parents to let me take ASL, I was ecstatic. They initially said they didn’t want me to do it because it would be a waste of time – now they like to tell people they knew it would be a great vocation!

When I graduated high school, I went to college on a theatre scholarship. I took more ASL classes and became certified as an interpreter, which seemed to be a good fit professionally since I had my heart set on heading to New York and taking Broadway by storm (interpreting pays fairly well and is a very flexible profession). I had never really planned on being a career interpreter or working directly with people with hearing impairments – it just sort of happened. After a few years, I realized I was a much better teacher than I was an actor, so I decided to teach Deaf kids. I went on to get a master’s degree in Education of the Deaf and taught high school for several years. Now I am back in grad school again, and I interpret here and there – typically kink events, college classes and graduation ceremonies. My primary job, though, is teaching at an interpreter training program – the one I was originally trained at! I love working with new signers and helping to shape their skills.

I got my first interpreter certification in 1997 and have been interpreting ever since. Even when I’ve had other jobs, I’ve always been able to pick up interpreting work here and there.  I’ve done a lot of interpreting within the education system, both in secondary schools and at the college level. I’ve also worked in a variety of community settings, for job interviews and trainings, workshops, dental/medical appointments, cultural events, and so on. It’s been really interesting because I’ve been exposed to a huge variety of information that I might otherwise never have learned about – not to mention the fabulous places I get to go and the things I get to see! One of my favorites was when I interpreted for an Aerosmith and ZZ Top concert, which was truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

When Interpreting Met Kink

When I started exploring the BDSM community, I met a wonderful Deaf woman who was one of my first Leather mentors. Even though the law clearly states that anyone holding a public event must provide equal access to all individuals, she was (and still is) frequently unable to attend kink workshops and events because the producers are either unable or unwilling to pay for interpreters. She certainly has room for legal recourse, especially against larger events who could afford to hire an interpreter, but she doesn’t want to bring unwanted attention to our community, nor does she want to lose the connections she has with the community she loves. So, rather than raise a fuss, she continues to request interpreters and, more often than not, she is denied or ignored. Watching her struggle with that, and watching others make inaccurate assumptions about what hearing impaired individuals need (i.e. all Deaf people can read lips – WRONG!) has really been a huge heartbreak for me. For a community that values diversity, unity, and respect, watching her being repeatedly disrespected because of who she is has been really disappointing. Even though I have watched this happen for many years, it still feels fresh – just the other day someone contacted me because they wanted to attend a weekend-long workshop with a very well-known kink educator, but that educator refused to provide an interpreter. It is a constant struggle.

Fortunately, our community is becoming a lot more sensitive about providing interpreters. In my area, the Mr. Texas and Dallas Eagle contests willingly provide interpreters upon request, and Beyond Vanilla provides interpreters every year regardless of requests – which is a pretty powerful accessibility statement! International Mr Leather 2009 Jeffrey Payne founded the SSC Fund (www.SSCFund.org) which helps pay for interpreters at kink and sex-positive events. International Deaf Leather 2009 and 2010 Terry Morrell also does a lot of advocacy and education about interpreters. So, I definitely see change happening, I just wish it would happen faster.

The first time I interpreted JLube Jack’s anal play workshop was an adventure. It required a lot of acting out and drawing pictures in the air, which was highly entertaining for everyone in the room. Interpreting Leather events requires a different set of vocabulary than your average interpreting job would call for!

There is an interesting intersection of interpreter ethics and leather culture. An interpreter is required to remain impartial and not participate in any of the proceedings of the situation they are working in. For example, the interpreter cannot offer any opinions, answer a question, or correct someone. Similarly, the interpreter isn’t supposed to laugh at a joke or express personal reactions like agreement or disagreement unless it is part of the interpreting process. If the interpreter is spoken to directly, they are supposed to interpret the content as if it was spoken to the client. At its core, the idea is that we are like a machine – just passing along information. Would you talk to a computer? No. Then don’t talk to the interpreter! Of course, we are human and have human experiences even while interpreting, but this is just the core idea of how an interpreter functions.

Try telling Leatherfolk that! Leather culture is a unique context to work in – we value collectivism, affection, humor, and… being dirty! Couple that with the fact that many interpreters who work within the kink community are also members of the community, and it can become difficult to be purely professional. Many times I have had speakers address me directly while I’m working. Sometimes speakers will talk about me while I’m working, which is particularly odd (interpreting “wow I have a great view up here! I can stare at Lillith’s ass while I introduce the judges!” is very awkward). Of course, if that were in a professional vanilla setting that would be exceedingly inappropriate for a number of reasons, but when it’s a good friend at a kink event, a comment like that is not necessarily inappropriate. It’s definitely weird to encounter- just a different interpreting experience altogether.

One of the most difficult things to interpret in any context is innuendo. Because I am translating into a different language altogether, not signing English word for word, my job is to process information, translate it, and provide it in another language. So, when someone says something but they obviously mean something different, I have to decide whether to just give the information that was given and allow the client to decipher innuendo or whether to interpret the underlying intention of the sentence, which could deny the client the right to enjoy the innuendo. This happened a LOT at the Aerosmith concert. Pretty much all Aerosmith songs are about sex, right? So do I just interpret the sexual subtext and ignore the words? What if I just interpret the words, is that fair to the clients to ignore the underlying meaning? Innuendo is frequently communicated by more than words – things like tone, volume, and body stance. So for the concert, my team interpreter and I spent a lot of time preparing, trying to find a balance so we could sign the songs in a way that was true to the art form of innuendo.

This happens a lot in kink too. A lot of our humor is based on suggestive language, so interpreting requires creativity. For example, when I interpreted at the Texas Bear Round Up (which had a record setting attendance of over 1500 people, so big congrats to their organizers!), the speaker was commenting on one of the contestants on the stage, and he said “follow the bouncing ball.” On one hand it could be interpreted in it’s traditional sense (as an on-screen guide to follow where you are in a song) or it could be interpreted that they should watch his testicles as they bounce across the stage. Neither translation does the concept justice, nor does it provide access to the humor of it. A skilled interpreter has to find a way to convey both concepts.

Kink vs Vanilla Audiences

Interpreting for a kink audience is definitely different. Sometimes when I interpret in front of vanilla audiences, I have to tone down my expression a little bit when it’s about something that is sexually suggestive. When I interpret and someone says something about sex, I can see people look quickly at me because they want to see how I  sign it (I worked with a teenage student once who liked to say “suck my balls” to other students just to make me sign it – SO obnoxious!). For a kink audience, I don’t have to worry about who is in the audience, and I get to be a lot more creative and expressive about how I explain what’s being talked about.

My pet peeve about kink interpreting, though, is when the speaker looks at me and starts saying dirty words just to watch me sign them. It’s always in good spirit and I know that it’s fun for people, but it’s difficult to do and it feels uncomfortable and disrespectful. I want people to realize that even though it’s cool to watch (and yes, it’s okay for audience members to watch the interpreter!) the reason I am there is to provide access – I am working. It might be fun to do somersaults down the wheelchair ramp, but if someone needed to use it, you’d get out of the way! That’s how I feel about interpreting in kink – I am okay with being talked to or messed with a little, but when it moves the focus away from the fact that I have a job to do, that’s when it goes too far. At IML we joked “don’t pet the service animals!”

Interpreting At International Mr. Leather

Interpreting at IML was absolutely incredible. First, I want to explain that there were three sets of interpreters at the event. Because one of the contestants was Deaf, there were two interpreters that stayed with him throughout the event. There was a team of interpreters who did the onstage, public interpreting during the event, and then there were two of us who stayed with the judge who was hearing impaired. I believe there were seven or eight of us total, but the teams didn’t cross paths that much because we we all working at the same time in different places.

It’s really remarkable when you think about it. How many people have the chance to be the “fly on the wall” inside the judging room at IML? That’s essentially what we were – we interpreted every interview, the between-interview conversations, the lunch conversations, and we were down in the pit during the main portion of the contest – we saw everything in a way that no one else ever gets to do. We had no vested interest in the proceedings, we had no power to affect the course of events – all we did was witness it. Thinking about it in that way feels so profound to me – it was such a privilege and such an honor to spend that time with such incredible community leaders and activists. The kicker, though, is that I cannot talk about it to anyone. Ethically, interpreters are required to protect information in the same way an attorney, therapist, or doctor is required to. That’s one of the primary protections of interpreter licensure, and understandably so. It would be harmful and unfair to the client and to the event for the fly on the wall to start yapping about what went on behind closed doors. So, even though it was such a profound experience for me to witness, that’s about all I can say about it.

Community Issues

I have to say, I love interpreting in kink settings. It’s fun to work in an environment where I feel truly accepted and understood. I am glad that I can help provide access – the Deaf Leather community is so vibrant and bring so much to our community as a whole. Unfortunately, many times they simply cannot participate in our community through no fault of their own. It’s time for us to welcome them and celebrate their unique contributions to who we are as whole. Also, as new people find their way into the community, it is important that we are being clear that they are welcome. Don’t wait for someone to ask – hire and interpreter and get the word out! Let’s build a climate of acceptance and see what happens.

To that end, I’d like to ask community organizations to consider the Sharon St. Cyr fund when you decide what non-profits your fundraising efforts will benefit. Several community leaders have recently called attention to the fact that much of our fundraising does not directly benefit members of our community. The SSC fund is an active organization that, among other things, pays for interpreters to be at events that couldn’t otherwise afford to hire them. This fund makes sure that our community is accessible to everyone and works hard to build bridges between the hearing and Deaf Leather communities. Please consider supporting them, either individually or organizationally – it’s a great way to provide support to our own community.

I do teach a workshop called “Scene Between the Lines: A Hands-On Guide to Kinky Sign Language.” In it, I teach lots of vocabulary (yes, lots of dirty words!) and we talk about how it can be used in BDSM relationships, regardless of whether you can hear or not. People who come to the class also get access to videos of me teaching the signs covered in the workshop, so you can practice and get really good at them!

Playing With People Who Are Hearing-Impaired

Anyone engaging in BDSM play has to pay careful attention to communication, and that’s only magnified when playing with someone who has a communication barrier. To be clear, I am not saying the hearing impaired person has the barrier – if they know sign and the hearing person doesn’t, maybe the hearing person is the one with the language barrier! I make that point because so frequently hearing people think that the Deaf person needs to be the flexible one, or the one who maintains responsibility for effective communication. The barrier doesn’t necessarily belong to either person – you have to use a shared approach.

My first piece of advice is to learn some sign! Learn how to sign five basic phrases in ASL; even if it’s just “do you want a drink,” the message you’re sending is that you’re willing to meet them halfway. Don’t be afraid to use smart phones to text on or write on paper if you need to. Be aware that many Deaf people write in a structure that’s similar to ASL, which is grammatically different than English, so grammar mistakes are not necessarily a reflection of intelligence or education.  Also, don’t be afraid to act things out – remember charades? Very effective. The bottom line is that the point is not to seek perfection, it is to communicate. Anything you do that enhances communication is great.

When playing, be aware of lighting. If the person is a lipreader, they’ll need to be able to see your lips. If they are a signer and you tie their hands, you’re gagging them. If you blindfold them, be aware that you are actually playing with more extreme sensory deprivation because you are cutting off their ability to communicate. That can be lots of fun, but only if you are doing it deliberately! There’s a great video on BehindKink.com that talks about some of these issues – I show it to my kinky sign language classes, and strongly recommend others watch it as well.

Here are some resources if you’re interested in learning more:
DeafNetwork.com
Signingsavvy.com
ASLPro.com

After the long car ride home from Spring Iniquity, during which I spent a lot of time processing the impact of Guy Baldwin’s speech, I stumbled in the door, dropped my purse, and sat down at the computer to write to him. Literally, I didn’t even go to the bathroom first – I was so desperate to get the swirling, nagging thoughts out of my head. It felt really good to get it out, and the community responses have been really helpful at alleviating some of the distress I was (and am) feeling about the whole situation.

It occurred to me, though, that I have never heard a discussion about what a keynote speech should be like. I have served on numerous committees for a variety of events and conferences, both professional and community-based. I have attended tons of conferences (again, both kinky and vanilla), and I have been a guest speaker a number of times. In my experiences as a committee planner, the keynote speaker is typically chosen by a consensus of some sort and given little, if any, information about what might be requested of them.

It occurs to me that this lack of specificity about what qualities make a good speaker, or what the group’s expectations are about the speech itself, does a huge disservice to the planners and attendees of any given conference.  So, I spent some time today thinking about what I, as an audience member, hope to get from a keynote speaker. I also thought about what components I try to attend to when I am a speaker, and I considered what issues a planning committee might want to be sensitive to. What follows is my idea of what makes an effective keynote speaker. They are in no particular order – just some food for thought:

• I appreciate a keynote speaker that has unique experiences, training, knowledge, or ideas that are worth sharing on a large scale.
• I think a keynote speaker should know the population(s) who will be attending and be sure to speak fairly and directly to everyone.
• I believe a keynote speaker should not avoid controversy. A good speaker will tackle difficult issues head-on and will not sugarcoat or minimize potentially inflammatory ideas.
• I appreciate when keynote speakers are cautious to balance challenging or difficult ideas with positive and hopeful messages.
• I like keynote speakers who provide a comprehensive, well-rounded explanation about the topic (unless it’s a more personal approach). I like when speakers provide multiple viewpoints and address the complexity that surrounds any given issue. I like it when speakers don’t assume that the audience has prior knowledge, but provide a fair and balanced explanation of the topic.
• I appreciate a speaker who is careful to choose appropriate, non-judgemental, inclusive terminology. If I hear a speaker using terminology that excludes, denigrates, or ignores certain populations, I am immediately turned off to the message. Some may call it “PC,” I call it awareness and respect.
• It is nice when a speaker recognizes that her or his own experiences are different from everyone else’s. I think it’s important that they avoid making generalizations or assumptions based on their personal experiences. While personal examples and experiences are highly effective tools when speaking, I think a speaker should acknowledge the limitations of a singular experience and address alternative experiences.
• I like speakers who demonstrate personal insight – being aware of and acknowledging personal challenges, biases, and privileges. I like speakers who are open and honest about their own personal experiences and the impact of those experiences.
• I appreciate a speaker who demonstrates social insight. I like when the speaker will attempt to objectively assess the topic from a broader stance and provide listeners with a sense of the wider social impact. I think it’s important to attend to the impact of social systems and, ideally, provide some insight into the community to which they are speaking.
• I appreciate a speaker who will give concrete ways to move forward, whether that means providing a mechanism for continued dialogue, explaining specific actions that may be taken, or by encouraging listeners to find ways to bring the message into their own lives.
• I appreciate it when a speaker will back up factual information with evidence. When citing statistics or making claims about certain populations in a factual manner, I think the speaker should be prepared to support those claims.
• I appreciate when a speaker makes clear when the information presented is based on opinion, observation, or anecdotal evidence.
• I like a speaker who will make me think, will provide new insight, and will leave me with more knowledge than I had before the speech.
• I think a keynote speaker should leave me feeling inspired and motivated. I want to leave with a greater sense of connection with the community as well as a desire to seek more connection.

It may seem like a tall order, but isn’t that the point of a keynote speech?

I welcome other ideas and comments.